The Project

Survivor Stories

This has actually been a very challenging/progressive week for me. The clothesline project was earlier this week and I decided to make my own T-shirt to add to the hundreds of other abuse victims here at UVU. Making my shirt was very healing and releasing, however, it was also very arduous and grueling. Over the past few years I have dedicated my life to revolve around correcting my thinking patterns into positive and self motivating ones. Being able to make my t-shirt, I was able to make so many connections with my currently existing negative thought patterns. For example: for some reason, I have been telling myself for years that School is just really hard for me. "I'm not smart. I'm a slow learner. I can't succeed very well in class." ect... This week I have been able to make the connection as to why I have been thinking that self loathing thought for so long. I finally realized, and put together, that my abusive boyfriend (from years ago), told me over and over again that I would not even graduate high school if I didn't have his help. He told me that I wasn't smart enough to do things on my own, especially when it came to school work. Since I've been coming to this realization this past week I have been able to pull myself out of this wicked self-debilitating thought that has been weighing me down and stopping me for YEARS. I have realized that me thinking "I'm stupid" is not, and never has been, my own thought. It was my ex's thought that he put on me. And all of a sudden, when I have that little bit of self doubt I remember "that is not my thought. I know that I am strong and I know that I am capable." And I go and conquer.

--Anonymous

What do the Shirts Mean?

Sounds

Select a color
White
People who have died as a result of violence.
Yellow
Survivors of physical assault and/or domestic violence.
Red
Survivors of rape or sexual assault.
Pink
Survivors of rape or sexual assault.
Orange
Survivors of rape or sexual assault.
Blue
Survivors of incest or childhood sexual abuse.
Green
Survivors of incest or childhood sexual abuse.
Purple
Survivors of attacks suffered due to perceived sexual orientation.
Brown
Survivors of emotional, spiritual, or verbal abuse.
Black
For those disabled as the result of an attack, or assaulted because of a disability.
Gray
Survivors of emotional, spiritual, or verbal abuse.

Gallery

Your yelling has taken my hearing, but... ...you will not take my SOUL.  I am a survivor...for myself!  I am a champion...for my children!  I WILL GET US FREE! (shirt color black)
Your yelling has taken my hearing, but... ...you will not take my SOUL. I am a survivor...for myself! I am a champion...for my children! I WILL GET US FREE!
I forgive you, but of course I will not forget.  My mother, sibblings, and I have become strong.  We are happy, successful and stand tall together.  Where are you?  I hope you've gotten th ehelp you need.  I AM A SURVIVOR! I AM STRONG! I AM LOVABLE! I AM CAPABLE! I AM BEAUTIFUL! (shirt color yellow)
I forgive you, but of course I will not forget. My mother, sibblings, and I have become strong. We are happy, successful and stand tall together. Where are you? I hope you've gotten th ehelp you need. I AM A SURVIVOR! I AM STRONG! I AM LOVABLE! I AM CAPABLE! I AM BEAUTIFUL!
13 YEARS OF THERAPY & COUNSELING YET STILL SO MUCH TO REPIAR  THANKS FOR RUINING MY OUT LOOK ON LOVE. (shirt color black)
13 YEARS OF THERAPY & COUNSELING YET STILL SO MUCH TO REPIAR THANKS FOR RUINING MY OUT LOOK ON LOVE.
You hurt me and said NEVER tell...But now that I'm grown, you'll never Touch me again. -Happy to be Free (shirt color blue)
You hurt me and said NEVER tell...But now that I'm grown, you'll never Touch me again. -Happy to be Free
The Pain is gone But the scars and tears wount go away (shirt color black)
The Pain is gone But the scars and tears wount go away
You stole something from me & broke my heart.  You stole my innocense and my virginity.  I feel broken in every way!!! All because I am gay.  Screw you I can't even be intimate with my boyfriend. (shirt color purple)
You stole something from me & broke my heart. You stole my innocense and my virginity. I feel broken in every way!!! All because I am gay. Screw you I can't even be intimate with my boyfriend.
How am I still alive?  Middle & High school was HELL.  I never thought that I'd graduate.  You all hurled whatever you could at me you put hate notes and gay porn in my bag and locker.  You spread the worst rumors about me.  You all told me that I was broken and unloved, a waste.  MY LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT. (shirt color purple)
How am I still alive? Middle & High school was HELL. I never thought that I'd graduate. You all hurled whatever you could at me you put hate notes and gay porn in my bag and locker. You spread the worst rumors about me. You all told me that I was broken and unloved, a waste. MY LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT.
I don't even know you abuser & you tore my heart out.  I was 5.  Did you make me a queer? DIE! ABOMINATION, FREAK, FAG, SISSY, TRANS, MONSTER, SLUT (shirt color purple)
I don't even know you abuser & you tore my heart out. I was 5. Did you make me a queer? DIE! ABOMINATION, FREAK, FAG, SISSY, TRANS, MONSTER, SLUT
Jack - This is the color of our team leotard.  You were such a good coach that no one believed me - not even the parents. For 20 years I carried the burden even after you pled guilty.  But you know what?  You don't have power over me anymore.  Think of the girls I protected from you by going to the police.  I could say I hate you, I could say you've ruined me, but in truth you have my compassion, because I don't have to go through life fighting the temptation to voilate little girls.  Instead, I FORGIVE YOU i forgive you. (shirt color blue)
Jack - This is the color of our team leotard. You were such a good coach that no one believed me - not even the parents. For 20 years I carried the burden even after you pled guilty. But you know what? You don't have power over me anymore. Think of the girls I protected from you by going to the police. I could say I hate you, I could say you've ruined me, but in truth you have my compassion, because I don't have to go through life fighting the temptation to voilate little girls. Instead, I FORGIVE YOU i forgive you.
SPOUSAL RAPE.  It's a real thing.  No matter my reason for saying NO it's my body.  I won it, not you.  My feelings matter you FUCKING RAPIST OF A HUSBAND!!!  THAT is why I Divorced you.  Like A BIRD I AM FREE.  I Got my WINGS OF FREEDOM.  I hope for you that someday you understand the PAIN.  I'm working on forgiving you, for my own inner peace.  Hugs to those still in it.  Be strong.  We deserve better! (shirt color orange)
SPOUSAL RAPE. It's a real thing. No matter my reason for saying NO it's my body. I won it, not you. My feelings matter you FUCKING RAPIST OF A HUSBAND!!! THAT is why I Divorced you. Like A BIRD I AM FREE. I Got my WINGS OF FREEDOM. I hope for you that someday you understand the PAIN. I'm working on forgiving you, for my own inner peace. Hugs to those still in it. Be strong. We deserve better!
I thought family was suppose to protect each other, not touch each other.  YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF (shirt color pink)
I thought family was suppose to protect each other, not touch each other. YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF
In 1989 I arrested a men for raping & murdering a 2 year old girl. While in prison the other prisoners found out what he had done & beat him almost to death. He was placed in isolation & before he went to trial he hung himself. Justice was served! I still hear from the child's parents.  It is something that will stay with me forever.(shirt color white)
In 1989 I arrested a men for raping & murdering a 2 year old girl. While in prison the other prisoners found out what he had done & beat him almost to death. He was placed in isolation & before he went to trial he hung himself. Justice was served! I still hear from the child's parents. It is something that will stay with me forever.
Slob, fat, ugly, stop crying, you will never be loved, are you sure you want to eat that? Dad - I'm leaving.  All I ever wanted was to be accepted by you, but unfortunatly my best was Never good Enough. I wish I could be perfect for you.  Words hurt just as bad as any physical abuse, my scars are just not easily seen. You are the voice inside my head. The one that tells me I can't. -BT- P.S. I still love you!!!!! (shirt color gray)
Slob, fat, ugly, stop crying, you will never be loved, are you sure you want to eat that? Dad - I'm leaving. All I ever wanted was to be accepted by you, but unfortunatly my best was Never good Enough. I wish I could be perfect for you. Words hurt just as bad as any physical abuse, my scars are just not easily seen. You are the voice inside my head. The one that tells me I can't. -BT- P.S. I still love you!!!!!
Sometimes I blame myself.  I was drunk and had taken a large amount of ecstacy.  I  should have just gone home.  I was gang raped.  Those three nasty men took my virginity.  I was so intoxicated, I don't even remember their faces.  I wanted to lose my virginity in a special way.  It changed me.  I lost all self-respect.  Now I am working on no longer being a victim.  I am repowering myself. (shirt color red)
Sometimes I blame myself. I was drunk and had taken a large amount of ecstacy. I should have just gone home. I was gang raped. Those three nasty men took my virginity. I was so intoxicated, I don't even remember their faces. I wanted to lose my virginity in a special way. It changed me. I lost all self-respect. Now I am working on no longer being a victim. I am repowering myself.
I looked up to you.  You were my brother, but you still raped me and still did the horrible things you did to me. I didn't know what to think.  I was so confused. I didn't know if I should hate you or not. But over the past 10 years I have had time to think.  I know what you did to me was wrong and unforgiveable but I FORGIVE you. I was only 7 at the time and I didn't understand but I am not 7 anymore and now I understand a lot more and I know now that behind everything there is a reason for the things we do. I'm not saying that what you did was okay I'm just saying I understand. I am now 17 and I hope now that I have forgiven you that you can now forgive yourself. Cause that's what I want for you. I forgive you, you did hurt me but I forgive you.  There's no use to fighting the one I love. I forgive you I mean it.  I love you! Forgiveness.  (shirt color green)
I looked up to you. You were my brother, but you still raped me and still did the horrible things you did to me. I didn't know what to think. I was so confused. I didn't know if I should hate you or not. But over the past 10 years I have had time to think. I know what you did to me was wrong and unforgiveable but I FORGIVE you. I was only 7 at the time and I didn't understand but I am not 7 anymore and now I understand a lot more and I know now that behind everything there is a reason for the things we do. I'm not saying that what you did was okay I'm just saying I understand. I am now 17 and I hope now that I have forgiven you that you can now forgive yourself. Cause that's what I want for you. I forgive you, you did hurt me but I forgive you. There's no use to fighting the one I love. I forgive you I mean it. I love you! Forgiveness.
Strength, faith, love yourself.  Both of my sisters have been in abusive & drug related relationships.  1. one is married with 4 kids.  He has anger problems, threatens her, physically abuses her, emotionally abuses my sister and my mother. They both have deep depression and suicide has definitely been thought of.  He cheats on her and has turned & caused her to be someone I don't know.  I want the big sister back I know.  2. My other sister was date raped, left in the desert naked, and no recollection of who did this.  She got her kids taken away for something that was not her fault.  She got into bad things & bad relationships that put her into the hospital many times from being physically abused by 3 diff. boyfriends.  She is now dead because of a guy who was an alcoholic and killed them both.  She was just about to get her 3 kis bakc. R.I.P. my big sissy Christine Chandler.  I love & miss you.  I've been a victim once and will never let it happen again and know it is not my fault & I am strong. RIP Christine Chandler - 29 years old 1984-2013.  I will make my sisters proud and never let somone abuse me like they were.  I  need to be strong for them. (shirt color white)
Strength, faith, love yourself. Both of my sisters have been in abusive & drug related relationships. 1. one is married with 4 kids. He has anger problems, threatens her, physically abuses her, emotionally abuses my sister and my mother. They both have deep depression and suicide has definitely been thought of. He cheats on her and has turned & caused her to be someone I don't know. I want the big sister back I know. 2. My other sister was date raped, left in the desert naked, and no recollection of who did this. She got her kids taken away for something that was not her fault. She got into bad things & bad relationships that put her into the hospital many times from being physically abused by 3 diff. boyfriends. She is now dead because of a guy who was an alcoholic and killed them both. She was just about to get her 3 kis bakc. R.I.P. my big sissy Christine Chandler. I love & miss you. I've been a victim once and will never let it happen again and know it is not my fault & I am strong. RIP Christine Chandler - 29 years old 1984-2013. I will make my sisters proud and never let somone abuse me like they were. I need to be strong for them.
Sissy - I'm sorry that mom chose you.  We know now that she was very sick.  I'm sorry we always rolled our eyes when you cried, that we never realized how badly you had been hurt.  If I were you I would hate her, but you offer nothing but love.  I wish I had a heart like yours.  Love you always. (shirt color yellow)
Sissy - I'm sorry that mom chose you. We know now that she was very sick. I'm sorry we always rolled our eyes when you cried, that we never realized how badly you had been hurt. If I were you I would hate her, but you offer nothing but love. I wish I had a heart like yours. Love you always.
You are my angel that has kep me safe.  You have stayed strong through the sexual & emotional buse he put us both through. You are my soldier.  This was for you.  I love you mom. (shirt color brown)
You are my angel that has kep me safe. You have stayed strong through the sexual & emotional buse he put us both through. You are my soldier. This was for you. I love you mom.
The drugs & threats and torture & mind control have now failed! (I hate you all!) Through years of therapy I have healed beyond your reach.  I remember everything you did to me and others. Things completely unbelievable are Real!  Nightmares ARE memories. Body pains are no longer mysteries! (Fear does not Rule!) Your lies will not hide you for long. The powers that stand with me are stronger than you.  The illusion is gone.  In memory of those I witnessed killed and sacrificed at the hand of evil.  You Are Not Forgotten!  Truth STANDS with ME.  (shirt color white)
The drugs & threats and torture & mind control have now failed! (I hate you all!) Through years of therapy I have healed beyond your reach. I remember everything you did to me and others. Things completely unbelievable are Real! Nightmares ARE memories. Body pains are no longer mysteries! (Fear does not Rule!) Your lies will not hide you for long. The powers that stand with me are stronger than you. The illusion is gone. In memory of those I witnessed killed and sacrificed at the hand of evil. You Are Not Forgotten! Truth STANDS with ME.
WE ALL ARE BRAVE SURVIVED. I love you.  Don't ever be someones slogan cuz you are poetry. Heather, Alisha, & Andrew, we all have sustained horrific abuse, verbally, physically, sexually. We are all still Alive physically, but the scars of our terror, and the big hate in our hearts and in our souls will 4-ever linger. I hope that someday as a mother & surviver, I can help my 3 beautiful gift's from god be well enough to love themselves & be loved in return.  But still have th ekowledge not to forget, just enough to be safe.  I may someday forgive but NEVER Forget, so I may be able to be here for my baby's not another statistic of Death related to Domestic Voilence! KEEP YOUR eyes ears & head aware & your heart & soul open just a Little until you KNOW your not in any danger. Heather Boswell Madson. (shirt color yellow)
WE ALL ARE BRAVE SURVIVED. I love you. Don't ever be someones slogan cuz you are poetry. Heather, Alisha, & Andrew, we all have sustained horrific abuse, verbally, physically, sexually. We are all still Alive physically, but the scars of our terror, and the big hate in our hearts and in our souls will 4-ever linger. I hope that someday as a mother & surviver, I can help my 3 beautiful gift's from god be well enough to love themselves & be loved in return. But still have th ekowledge not to forget, just enough to be safe. I may someday forgive but NEVER Forget, so I may be able to be here for my baby's not another statistic of Death related to Domestic Voilence! KEEP YOUR eyes ears & head aware & your heart & soul open just a Little until you KNOW your not in any danger. Heather Boswell Madson.
Dad, You ripped open my heart. I trusted you. I LOVE you. You left me alone. I love you. You still cause so much pain. I hurt. I love you. I miss you> But becasue of you I am a new man I am ME! I'm not you I am fill the hole you dug with so many wonderful things. I love you. Im growning. I HAVE HOPE! I love you! (shirt color brown)
Dad, You ripped open my heart. I trusted you. I LOVE you. You left me alone. I love you. You still cause so much pain. I hurt. I love you. I miss you> But becasue of you I am a new man I am ME! I'm not you I am fill the hole you dug with so many wonderful things. I love you. Im growning. I HAVE HOPE! I love you!